If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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