u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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