THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
