You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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