First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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