Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
