i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
