i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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