They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
