I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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