So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
