I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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