The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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