1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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