Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
