he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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