You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
