Too much gin, very little bucket
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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