dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
