When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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