Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
i out mim tonsoeep
God, I missed his penis.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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