I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
