how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
