I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
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