i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I see more hoeing in ur future
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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