If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
