Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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