Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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