I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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