Even water is tasting like jack daniels
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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