i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
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