just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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