I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
