he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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