some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
