There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
