The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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