All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
