i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
