dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
