Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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