____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
