you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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