She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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