yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
then he tried to convert me to islam
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
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