is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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