you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
