woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
