There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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