she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
