he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
