No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
