My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
