the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
