i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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