hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
