I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
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