apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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